I’m doing this chakra yoga course (go me and my awesomely expanding brain) and the teacher was talking about judgemental behaviour.

That got me thinking how I’m actually the opposite. I love getting compliments. Always have. Don’t think I’m making myself out to be some kind of hero (or some kind of needy loser). It’s because I rarely got them growing up. I was regularly told what was wrong about me but praise and encouragement weren’t part of the furniture in our house. Interestingly, now that we’re all growed up, my siblings don’t much care for compliments but I give and get them all the time and love it.

As a coach, I’m probably supposed to tell you that external gratification (aka compliments) is bad but when you feel totally crap about yourself any gratification is better than none. There has to be a point when you look inside for the answers but you got to get on that path first to walk down it and external gratification can get you on that path quickly.

Like what happened with me. Not getting many compliments meant that whenever I got one, I beamed with confidence. It would shatter my doubts and fears and enable me to see possibilities. If the compliment was about something I deeply valued, I could be in that state for months.

Example (follow my logic): When I was about eight years old, I really wanted to be smart but no one told me I was so I assumed I wasn’t. When someone told me I was smart I was blissfully relieved. Why? Because it gave me a green light to turn my hopes into beliefs.

The other compliments experience I had happened when I was in my early twenties. I was out one night with friends when this guy told me I was pretty. As a teenager I had low self-esteem and really bad acne so I didn’t feel pretty but I really, really wanted to be pretty because all the good things are – like flowers and waterfalls and sunsets and princesses (fact).

So when this guy said I was pretty, I felt it. I was on cloud nine. I danced and laughed and had a really good night except for one thing. There was this other guy sitting across the table from me giving me death looks. Whenever I smiled at him, he frowned. Whenever I tried to start a conversation with him, he ignored me. It put a dampener on my night but I kept smiling and having a good time until eventually he said to me, ‘You’re so up yourself. You’re not even that pretty, you know.’

Ouch!

He got me where it hurt. Needless to say it wiped the smile from my face and made me feel ugly all over again. Just as I believed it when someone told me I was pretty, the same applied when someone said it wasn’t so. And which one did I believe the most? The one based in fear, not love.

So the point I’m making, sweet reader, is that compliments are a win-win situation. No matter who you are or what kind of life experiences you have had, it feels good to give them and it feels good to get them so let them in so they can work their magic on your psyche.

On the other hand insults are a lose-lose situation. They are fear-based and toxic. It feels bad to give them and bad to get them. Ah, I hear you thinking, “That’s bollocks. Some people gain pleasure from causing other people pain.” True, but while it may give them some temporary satisfaction, they end up feeling empty and lost. You can’t give away your pain. It’s yours to sort through. That goes for all of us.

So back to the good stuff: I encourage you to give and accept heartfelt compliments readily and sincerely. And if someone in your life is getting their kicks from bringing you down, remember that it’s about them – not you.

Oh, and hey, I couldn’t end this post without giving you a sincere and heartfelt compliment, so here goes: “You rock my weblog world!”

Seriously, without you there would be no point in me writing this. I love to write, to inspire, to foster happiness and all that good stuff but without you there’s no point. So thank you for reading (I think that’s called a win-win situation, right?).

Until next post, keep on sharing the good stuff.

Tracey

You pick it up and notice that it’s not a normal teapot. It looks like it’s made of brass but in certain angles you can almost see inside it. It has a long sprout and a chain going from the handle to a lid that is rusted and clogged with dirt.

It’s a lamp, you think. A magic lamp…? What the? Wanting to see it more clearly you wipe off some more dirt. The lamp heats up and shines brightly. Argh! you say and you drop it in shock. After watching it a while to see if something crawls out, you pick it up again. Gently wiping more dirt from it so you don’t cause anything else weird to happen you notice that it has a label on the side. It reads:

This magic lamp contains one genie with the power to grant Wishes in Bundles of Three. For your own safety please read the following Terms and Conditions:

All Wishes are non-refundable. The return of any faulty Wishes supplied by The Genie must be accompanied by a valid receipt and a valid explanation for the return of the Wish. All such returns will be at The Wishee’s cost and risk.

These Conditions of Wish Granting are the only terms and conditions on which The Genie will accept. The Genie may, at its absolute discretion, accept or reject any such offers to purchase The Three Wishes.

The Wishee acknowledges that the confirmation by The Genie of an Order of Wish Granting constitutes acceptance of the offer to purchase The Three Wishes by The Wishee and creates a binding contract between them for the sale of The Three Wishes.

No Wish may be cancelled or varied by The Wishee without the express written agreement of The Genie. The Genie reserves absolute discretion to allocate supplies of The Three Wishes between Wishees. Orders for The Three Wishes intended for private use by the Granted Wishee and not a third party.

The Genie reserves the right to withhold the despatch of The Three Wishes until such time as The Wishee has paid in full the Contract price for The Three Wishes.

Phew, you think. That was a long label. So when did genie’s get all legal, you wonder? But then this is 2009, the age of paranoia and lawsuits. Gone are the days when genies dole out wishes wily-nily, obviously.

You take a moment to digest the warning and think, ‘I really, really want to make a wish.’ But you’re just not sure. Is this a good genie or an evil genie? You carefully carry the lamp home and Google ‘Genie’ and learn that in Roman mythology the word ‘genie’ meant “guardian spirit, wit, talent” then later it came to mean “person of natural intelligence or talent”. In Arabian folklore, a genie is a supernatural creature which possesses free will. They can be either good or evil. In some cases, evil genies can lead humans astray.

Hmm… So if a genie is a supernatural creature possessing free will that has natural intelligence and is either good or bad, I’d better be careful if I let him out of that lamp, you think wisely.

Even so, you really, really want those wishes and you’re prepared to take the risk but there’s another problem. You don’t know what he wants for payment. Surely money’s no good to a supernatural being that lives in a lamp? There’s only one way you’re going to find out.

You hold the lamp up to the light, you shine a torch at it, but all you can see is a hint of something dark and swirling. You’ve got two choices: 1) you put the lamp somewhere safe and forget about it and get on with your life, or 2) you get the lid off and see how deep the rabbit-hole goes (sorry, matrix moment).

Bugger it, you think. You only live once. So you rub some solvent on the lid, twist and pull…–

Stay tuned for Part Two, folks…

Tracey

For years I tried be like everyone else but it was always an act. I’d spend hours before I ventured out into the real world, trying to look the part, hoping that if I looked the part, I would feel the part. Social situations were the worst, followed a close second by populated work environments. I’d do whatever it took to be ‘the same as everyone else’. It never worked. I always felt awkward and out of place.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘normal’ as ‘conforming to a standard’. I guess that means a ‘normal person’ is someone who conforms to the predominant behaviour in a society. If the opposite of ‘to conform’ is ‘to rebel’, does that mean I should buy a Harley and tattoo up? Or wear black and look miserable? Fact is I’m too gentle to be a biker and too happy to be an emo. Ah, the dilemma of knowing thy self (sigh)!

It may sound like I have self-esteem issues and, the truth is, I used to. But that was because I thought there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t conform as easily and effectively as other people. But now I know there isn’t anything wrong with me.  And if you relate to what I’m saying, there’s nothing wrong with you, either.

The fact is that some people can blend in and some people can’t. Which brings me to the octopus and the polar bear. Naturally. Bear with me (ha-ha)… In the natural world, these creatures look and behave radically differently to survive and adapt to their environments. The octopus conforms to its environment. A polar bear is always a polar bear. Both are being themselves, just in different ways.

The Octopus

In the natural world, an octopus literally shape-shifts in moments to completely alter his appearance. They blend into their surroundings in seconds, change colours and patterns and even transform the texture of their skin to match their environment. How’s that for a nifty party trick?

The octopus as a person fits into any situation. They just seem to know what to wear and how to behave. They fit into any situation. I know I already said that but it needs emphasising. The octopus loves trying out different images and they adapt easily to whatever atmosphere exists, wherever they happen to be. Generally, the octopus is the life of the party, the joker, the storyteller, the entertainer. Their greatest skill is that they can walk away from an event and transform back to themselves. They never lose sight of who they are and they never lose themselves in the roles they play.

The polar bear

The real polar bear may blend in when he’s surrounded by snow and ice but dump him in a forest, and there’s no way he’s able to turn green to blend in. He will always be big and white and furry and his behaviour will always be that of a carnivorous mammal.

In the human world, polar bears enjoy the company of others, but they are just as happy being by themselves. They prefer quieter places, soft music and gentle conversation to lively action, loud music and oodles of stimulation.  They wear clothes that suit their own tastes and style or else they settle for sensible and comfortable attire. As for behaviour, polar bears behave like polar bears. It’s as simple as that. They don’t adapt. If they had to behave like someone else, they would walk away feeling like they had dishonoured themselves and compromised their ethics. While they may not have natural chameleonic skills polar bears adapt to a social environment by being great listeners and observers. They notice things.

Next post (Part Two) I’ll talk about accepting your inner octopus or bear. Over the weekend have a think about which one you are. And let me know by leaving a comment. I could do a poll? Maybe not…

Until then, keep swimming, my luvly sea-loving creatures…

Tracey

When the rain started, it came down hard and at a forty-five degree angle. From behind. I was wearing an old dirty jumper that I found in the boot of the car, rolled up jeans and a pair of un-waterproof canvas slip-ons that quickly became two sandy ponds for my feet.

By the time I got to the café across the road for some lunch, I was squelchy and cold and drenched from the waist down. I ordered tomato soup with toasted panini. Sitting there shivering and wet, scoffing down the soup like I’d been trudging the sahara for yonks I thought to myself: now this is a good day. And it was.

Attitude is everything, peeps. Find pleasure in discomfort. Seize the joy.

Dollops of happiness to you all xx

Tracey

Warning: if you’re using Internet Explorer to view this, it’s doing dodgy things. I recommend Firefox

Ok, so here’s the thing: what’s the go with the head saying one thing and the heart saying another? Decisions are hard enough to make when you have to wade through other people’s opinions and a plethora of external influences without our own bodies putting us through the ringer as well.

How are you supposed to decide whether to follow your heart or your head or even a combination of the two? When it comes down to it, making a decision is just a process. We do it every day. Some decisions are easy and don’t pose a threat to our happiness and wellbeing while other decisions have the power to change the course of our lives forever. Making a decision should be as easy as knowing the facts, choosing a course of action, and then acting on it. But it’s not. The facts are clear and obvious in your mind but your feelings and emotions make everything so much harder.

To make matters worse, every decision is different. Some decisions benefit from clear thinking. Other decisions need us to consider our core values and beliefs. Others are a combination of the two. It comes down to what feels or thinks ‘right’. Sometimes the heart needs help from the head (blind or unrequited love, stress, trauma, loss) and sometimes the head needs help from the heart (legal, political, education, community, interpersonal connections).

However when it comes to global decisions my vote goes for heart-based decisions – or less head and more heart at the very least. Sure, I’m a woman and I’m right-brain dominant so you would expect me to say that, I guess. But hear me out, all you men and left-brain dominant people. In this age of excess, speed and aggression, where getting ahead is measured in dollars and status, maybe it’s time we reacquainted ourselves with a milder and more heartfelt approach to saving the world. Maybe to reach the next level of human ‘progress’ we must embrace affection and awareness as much – if not more – than knowledge and skill. Maybe our emotionally-anaesthetised leaders who are held in such high esteem for their strength of mind and ruthless determination to keep the economy thriving at all costs need to step aside and let folks who are more connected and intuitive step up to the plate. Then we can make worldly decisions based on love, peace, nurturing and equality. It may sound like hippie garbage but it just may be the change the world needs right now.

So my vote to save the world goes to the heart [insert applause and big red heart walks on stage crying tears of joy].

Bring it on, I say. Let’s all switch off our minds, don a kaftan and get down and groovy with some luuurvin.

I’ll leave you with a song to get stuck in your head (you’re welcome):

Peace and luv, bruddas and sistas xx

Tracey

Imaginopians love nothing better than painting pictures and writing stories and having philosophical conversations and generally just creating remarkably innovative things. They can do that stuff all day long and not come up for air. What happens is they get a feeling about what they want to do and then they go off and do it. Imaginopians are particularly good at being in touch with their feelings and they love hugs. They don’t mind taking risks and dreaming of the future is second nature to them.

Though I have painted a perfect picture of it (lol, pun), Imaginopia does have its problems. You see, Imaginopians don’t like doing logical things. They run away from anything that involves numbers and science and common sense and being practical. Imaginopians rarely plan for the future, add up sums or solve problems. For stuff like that, they usually throw their hands up in the air and get someone from the Kingdom of Logic to help.

Ah, the Kingdom of Logic. Now that’s a neat place. And I mean that literally. The folks who live there are SO organized. Apparently (so I’ve heard) there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything. Go figure. In the Kingdom of Logic they have these things called ‘To Do’ lists that help them get through the day. AND they actually read maps and follow directions. Plus, get this: they don’t get into hugs all that much and they can sit for hours listening to boring lectures..!

If you haven’t cottoned on to what I’m talking about yet, it’s about being either left or right brain dominant. I’m right-brain dominant. The right brain looks at the whole picture and quickly seeks to determine the spatial relationships of all the parts as they relate to the whole. It thrives on complexity, ambiguity and paradox. It’s predominantly visual.

On the other hand (or should I say on other side of the cranium), the left brain is systematic, sequential and has an exact approach to things, striving for accuracy at all times. The left brain names and categorizes things. It’s good at symbolic abstraction, speech, reading, writing, arithmetic, all that verbal, logical, and analytical stuff. It also likes things to be in order. It’s predominantly verbal.

Clearly there is no right or wrong brain hemisphere; there are merely different ways of thinking. BUT when both hemispheres of our brains are in balance that’s when everything is pretty damn good. When we are wholly aware of our emotions and motivations and we are creative and logical at the same time, that is when we are using both hemispheres of our brains equally. This is called ‘whole brain thinking’.

Whole brain thinking allows us to be more logical, organised, communicate well, and be more imaginative. It empowers us to fully use our own internal resources and strengths to balance each aspect of ourselves and achieve full health, happiness and peak performance. Whole brain thinking also improves the way we learn and how we communicate. It enhances our relationships and cultivates self-understanding.

As for me, I still spend stacks of time in Imaginopia – it will always be my favourite place – but nowadays I visit the Kingdom of Logic a fair bit. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Sums and equations used to send me to sleep. I just couldn’t seem to keep my mind on them long enough to learn and benefit. But I persisted and eventually my left brain became active and now it functions pretty well. To my surprise and credit I can add up numbers and say and do logical things once in a while, if only to confuse my arty friends and/or impress my nerdy friends.

So, here’s my point: it is entirely possible to think with both hemispheres of your brain and do it effectively. Oh, and one more thing: if you follow me on Twitter and you see me tweet something like, “Yay! I edited html code today!” go easy on me. Remember where I’m from…

Until next time, may both your brain hemispheres be your friends,

Tracey

P.S. Follow me on twitter at: www.twitter.com/lovinglaughing. I’m currently tweeting daily acts of kindness though I might come up with some suggestions for living it up on a budget. Let me know what you think by leaving a comment.

Ah, Island Life. Bliss.

A typical day would be I wake up, get served a breakfast of tropical fruit and fresh seafood (by a tanned god of a man, of course), go lie on the beach for a couple of hours, swim, do some snorkelling or diving, browse the local market and grab some lunch, then later on listen to a band, dance and revel in the company of good friends. How good does that sound?

Imagine if life really was that simple. You wake up and the day is yours for the taking. Whatever you want to do, you do. Whatever you ask for, you get.

Let’s take it one step further: imagine if you could do anything, go anywhere, be anyone. Say, you woke up tomorrow morning in a perfect world, where all you have to do is make a decision and what you want becomes real. How would that change the choices you make? It can be difficult to imagine. We are accustomed to having problems, to settling for what we perceive to be realistic and sensible. To a degree we are shaped by our backgrounds and our experiences. Most of us tend to get stuck in the habit of doing what is expected of us.

On the other hand, some people just seem to have that whole work/life balanced things all sussed. For example, look at the lifestyle of people from places like The Caribbean and The Pacific Islands. It’s all about chillaxing and having a good time. Of course that’s a tad romanticised and every culture has it’s problems, but you get what I’m saying: life’s more than getting stuff done.

So next time you feel the urge to step out of your life and do something wholly and solely for yourself, have a good listen to that voice that tells you you’re being irresponsible and self-indulgent. Consider its authority. Is it in your best interests to listen to it? Chances are it’s the dreaded voice of guilt and you’re so used to paying attention to it that it’s hard to ignore.

BUT here’s the go: what if you did ignore it, just for a day? What if you permitted yourself to say to hell with it and you took a day out of your busy schedule – away from your family, work and social commitments – to indulge in something for yourself. Would it really be so bad? Chances are, you spend a lot of time making sure everyone else is looked after and happy but what about lil ole you?

So here’s my challenge to you: pick a day when you’re cashed up and your calendar is free (clear it, if necessary), and do your own thing for twenty-four hours. From the moment you wake up to the moment you lay your weary but satisfied head on the pillow at 3am, do what you want to do. Do anything or do nothing. Just as long as it’s entirely your choice. Try it. It’s liberating. It’s nourishing. It’s healthy. A single day of personal freedom where you are removed from your usual routine can shift your perspective and set the pace for a smoother ride in your life.

So go be jammin’ and soakin’ some sun, yeh? Positive vibes to yah, Mon.

Tracey