It’s been a while since I last wrote to you. I hope you have survived without me. My absence is legit. I can get a note from my parents if you don’t believe me.

As you know from a few of my more melodramatic posts of late, this year has not been a lie on the couch watching soapies kind of year for me.

To say the past few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride is an understatement. If my life was a rollercoaster it’s one that got stuck for yonks, fell apart, got knocked off its hinges and rolled down the mountain maiming show folk left, right and centre. I’m not exaggerating.

BUT at the focus of the maelstrom was my beautiful daughter, Natasha, who recently turned eighteen. It seems 18 is the new 21 these days. In Australia at least. I guess it’s the equivalent of a rite of passage, a coming of age.

So Tashi and I have been planning this occasion for, like, everrr. I won’t go into too much details as I’m still recovering (tired, so tired) needless to say that she smiled for three days straight during The Big Weekend and she still has another weekend away with her friends to look forward to. You can check out the pictures on her blog. She’s such a shy thing. Don’t blame me. I’m just her mum.

Anyways… back to you: I will write something profound and useful about rites of passage or something like that shortly, but for now I’m going to snuggle up with a hot chocolate and a book and think about not planning big things for a while… hmm, just remembered she graduates high school in a month or so, so it’s a lull before the storm I guess. Still, I love my princess mucho-maxo.

P.S. I almost forgot. Here’s the latest instalment on the Get Your Life On course. Oops. My bad?

So anyway… despite your insults I’m going to give you a free course becourse that’s the kind of person I am of course . You’re welcome.

The course is called ‘Get Your Life On’ and it’s about how to get from A to B with your dreams. There’s seven steps and each step will only take you ten minutes to do. Can’t get much easier than that, right? Right.

If you’re anything like me setting goals is great in theory but hard to put into practice. I mean, you’re too busy trying to figure out what you’re doing on a day-to-day basis, and then wondering why you don’t get stuff done and you’re no closer to whatever the hell it is you really want to be doing with your life, which sux and it would be really great to set some goals one day…

I hear you.

It’s a vicious circle kind of thing. So hopefully this course will help .

So click here for Day 1. No strings attached. Honest. You trust me, right? Course you do…!

The thing is when you’re over thirty things start to sag. As a woman you start to think about stuff like mortality and aging and wrinkles and what-the-hell happened to my youth? Did I pass it on my way to Bingo Night at the club?

BUT as I told my sister, there is a certain charm to growing old that modern times has buried in creams, procedures and injections.

If you take a good look at a woman over the age of fifty who takes pride in her appearance, who doesn’t wear dollops of makeup and hasn’t had a face lift or botox injections and whatever the hell you do with collagen (blah, blah, blah…) you will see a beauty that surpasses the kind you see in airbrushed magazine pictures.

A woman who is at peace with who she is and what she looks like is the definition of real beauty. Look past the wrinkles and age spots and all the other signs of living past fifty and you will see a woman whose beauty is deeply captivating.

I don’t know about you, but I am far more impressed with natural beauty than fake beauty. Sure we are all flawed, but so what? We all have things we don’t like about ourselves – even super models – but if we don’t start focussing on what we LOVE about ourselves, all those negative thoughts we have will get out of control as time goes on.

THEN we are at risk of slipping into the really unhealthy habit of finding more and more things we don’t like about ourselves until we can’t stand to look in the mirror.

The things us women do to ourselves. Seriously. Blimey, we even compare ourselves to other women our age or women younger and wish we were them. We look at photos of ourselves ten years ago and think, ‘Wow, I looked GOOD back then’. And we did. But we will look at photos of ourselves ten years from now and think the same thing, so why not feel good about ourselves right now?

So look in that mirror and say this to yourself: ‘I look GOOD!’

Say it loud: ‘I LOOK GOOD!!’ Feel it and mean it… because you DO look good.

So girls – or should I say ‘women’ – let’s wear our lives proudly in our looks. Let’s say no to eternal youth and embrace aging gracefully instead. Let’s not fall into the trap of fighting to remain young and wasting money, time and energy on anything other than facials and treatments and stuff that keeps us healthy on the outside and feeling good on the inside.

Let’s give the finger to the media and all those unrealistic beauty ads and any other crap that puts the pressure on us to look twenty-one again. We’re not twenty-one so why the hell should we look it? There is beauty in aging and I for one intend to embrace it.

By the way, you look gorgeous today!

Tracey

I’m doing this chakra yoga course (go me and my awesomely expanding brain) and the teacher was talking about judgemental behaviour.

That got me thinking how I’m actually the opposite. I love getting compliments. Always have. Don’t think I’m making myself out to be some kind of hero (or some kind of needy loser). It’s because I rarely got them growing up. I was regularly told what was wrong about me but praise and encouragement weren’t part of the furniture in our house. Interestingly, now that we’re all growed up, my siblings don’t much care for compliments but I give and get them all the time and love it.

As a coach, I’m probably supposed to tell you that external gratification (aka compliments) is bad but when you feel totally crap about yourself any gratification is better than none. There has to be a point when you look inside for the answers but you got to get on that path first to walk down it and external gratification can get you on that path quickly.

Like what happened with me. Not getting many compliments meant that whenever I got one, I beamed with confidence. It would shatter my doubts and fears and enable me to see possibilities. If the compliment was about something I deeply valued, I could be in that state for months.

Example (follow my logic): When I was about eight years old, I really wanted to be smart but no one told me I was so I assumed I wasn’t. When someone told me I was smart I was blissfully relieved. Why? Because it gave me a green light to turn my hopes into beliefs.

The other compliments experience I had happened when I was in my early twenties. I was out one night with friends when this guy told me I was pretty. As a teenager I had low self-esteem and really bad acne so I didn’t feel pretty but I really, really wanted to be pretty because all the good things are – like flowers and waterfalls and sunsets and princesses (fact).

So when this guy said I was pretty, I felt it. I was on cloud nine. I danced and laughed and had a really good night except for one thing. There was this other guy sitting across the table from me giving me death looks. Whenever I smiled at him, he frowned. Whenever I tried to start a conversation with him, he ignored me. It put a dampener on my night but I kept smiling and having a good time until eventually he said to me, ‘You’re so up yourself. You’re not even that pretty, you know.’

Ouch!

He got me where it hurt. Needless to say it wiped the smile from my face and made me feel ugly all over again. Just as I believed it when someone told me I was pretty, the same applied when someone said it wasn’t so. And which one did I believe the most? The one based in fear, not love.

So the point I’m making, sweet reader, is that compliments are a win-win situation. No matter who you are or what kind of life experiences you have had, it feels good to give them and it feels good to get them so let them in so they can work their magic on your psyche.

On the other hand insults are a lose-lose situation. They are fear-based and toxic. It feels bad to give them and bad to get them. Ah, I hear you thinking, “That’s bollocks. Some people gain pleasure from causing other people pain.” True, but while it may give them some temporary satisfaction, they end up feeling empty and lost. You can’t give away your pain. It’s yours to sort through. That goes for all of us.

So back to the good stuff: I encourage you to give and accept heartfelt compliments readily and sincerely. And if someone in your life is getting their kicks from bringing you down, remember that it’s about them – not you.

Oh, and hey, I couldn’t end this post without giving you a sincere and heartfelt compliment, so here goes: “You rock my weblog world!”

Seriously, without you there would be no point in me writing this. I love to write, to inspire, to foster happiness and all that good stuff but without you there’s no point. So thank you for reading (I think that’s called a win-win situation, right?).

Until next post, keep on sharing the good stuff.

Tracey

I thought I’d get a bit opinionated on you this week to encourage some open-mindedness about your beliefs.

Meet Jane

Jane grew up in a secular household and attended a religious school. When she left school Jane explored many different faiths and belief systems until she found one that made sense to her. Jane attends a service every week and prays every day. Jane believes that God guides her life and has a purpose for her so she accepts everything as His will. Jane isn’t perfect but she is a good person. She is kind to everyone and people like her.

Meet Joe

Joe grew up in a religious household and attended a state school. When he left school, he didn’t think twice about religion. He focused more on learning facts and interacting with like-minded people to confirm his beliefs in science and evolution. Joe thinks like a scientist. He doesn’t consider anything that isn’t proven or based on facts. Joe isn’t perfect but he is a good person. He is kind to everyone and people like him.

Freedom of Beliefs

Belief systems are personal. Everyone is entitled to them. You may be like Jane or Joe, or you may have beliefs that are based on other ideas within the bounds of religion or otherwise. Your beliefs may remain firm or they may change as you gain more life experience.

You should be free to believe what you want as long as it doesn’t infringe on anyone else’s beliefs or lack of beliefs.

When it comes to the meaning and origin of life, there are many ideas out there. If we close off and say ‘that’s it’ then we miss out on a great opportunity to better understand ourselves and humanity. Perhaps the real truth is never actually believing in anything but rather seeing truth in many things, even when sometimes those things are polar opposites. Maybe there isn’t one single truth but many.

The “Big Q”

It is when we let go of all our pre-conceived notions about how things are that ideas evolve. That’s what scientists and artists do to reach new horizons. Am I right? So maybe it’s the same is for the big question of “Why am i here?”.

Heaven Schmeaven

Which brings me to God. I think that in the greater scheme of things God doesn’t matter. That’s a tall claim, I know. Rather than put our faith in a deity that may or may not exist, I vote we put our faith in humanity instead. If we all spent less time thinking about why we’re here and what happens when we die and we focus more on the choices we make every day and how those choices impact on the rest of the world then wars would end and universal wellbeing would increase.

Let’s all just forget our differences and make one instead. Hey, better still, let’s make Heaven on Earth together… Woo-hoo, baby!

So that was my d&m for the week. I’ll leave you with a rhyming poem by a friend of mine, Don Smy. I think it brings a refreshingly simple perspective to a complex issue. Enjoy…

**********

“Heaven”

by Don Smy

What is this thing called Heaven
Some Palace up high in the sky
Or a state of mind we can’t reach
A want, or a need with a sigh

We see it in terms unique to us
Never grasping opposing views
Where I see a minus, he sees a plus
While they see quite different hues

Is it there, or did we invent it
To feed our insatiable pride
Or are we part of it’s wonder
With slivers of Heaven inside

For some it’s a state of being
For others a mere state of mind
For me it’s a constant battle
To see through eyes that are blind

Could it be like Time & Space
Unchanged though we pass through
Racing along through the Cosmos
With minds firmly stuck in the glue

Death keeps clouding the issue
But one day we surely must see
And know that Now is forever
It’s really enough just – to be.

**********

Thanks Don!
And to you, sweet reader, enjoy your Heaven

Tracey

Leave a comment

But nothing happens. There is no genie. Hmm, you think. You wait a second then you peer inside. All you see is swirling mist. It smells stale. You sneeze. A puff of grey dust escapes the lamp and settles on your coffee table. So that’s it, you think?

After all that, it was nothing. Maybe the genie escaped before you found the lamp. Maybe it died of boredom. Maybe the magic expired, or there’s a password, or old magic doesn’t work in the 21^st century. Disappointed, you put the lid back on, make yourself a snack and switch on the TV…

**********

So, you thought a genie was going to burst out of the lamp and grant wishes just like magic, didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint but that’s not how life works.

The thing about opportunities is they rarely get handed to us on red velvet cushions (or from a genie inside a magic lamp). Sure, we may stumble upon something that may possess the power to change our lives but then it’s up to us to make the most of that opportunity. Often that means using some initiative, doing some hard work and showing some commitment followed by more of the same.

Don’t just recognize opportunities, pursue them.

Waiting for opportunities to come knocking at your door, leads to disappointment. Go out there and search for them. Look around for what you want and you will often be surprised to see it turn up. Pardon the hippie-speak but the world is a bountiful place and good things flow abundantly (totally, like, wow man…). Seek and ye shall find.

Decide what you want then go for it

Naturally you must be selective and realistic and select what fits in with your values and aspirations. Then select your strategy and tactics and create a plan. Make it happen. It sounds simple, but execution is the most important part of the process

It’s great to dream and plan but at some point YOU have to DO something. No one else is going to do it for you. Sure, you can get help but ultimately all opportunities are there for you to either accept and grow or reject and let go.

Often opportunities require us to confront a fear or sacrifice something else. There is always a pay-off. That could be time, money or relinquishing other opportunities. This is not a bad thing, folks. It’s called personal growth. Embrace it.

6 things you need to create opportunities

• A spirit of adventure: be open to new ideas, people and places.
• Knowledge: know your values, skills, strengths and weaknesses.
• Initiative and drive: take charge of your life and open your mind to new approaches and ways of thinking.
• Courage: be bold and daring and not afraid to take chances.
• Resilience: success is rarely immediate. Stick to your guns and stay firm.
• Flexibility: when you take the initiative, good things happen, but sometimes they aren’t what you intended. Be flexible to diversions and change.

**********

Back to the story…

(Did you really think I would end it like that?)

So there you are watching TV and eating your snack when you have an epiphany. That’s it! I’ve got to rub the lamp! You grab a cloth and some polish (hey, you might as well do a proper job of it) and you rub the hell out of the lamp. You rub until you’ve worked up a sweat and then you rub some more.

You’re at it for hours but the lamp is starting to shine now and it’s hot to touch. Time goes by. You wipe sweat from your brow. Your arm hurts from rubbing. You peer inside the lamp and notice the swirling mist seems thicker and heavier. Rub, rub, rub… the lamp shudders. Rub-rub-rub… there’s a smell like incense or candles… Rubbidy-rub-rub … the lamp is now so heavy you almost drop it. Carefully, you place it on the floor.

With a final shudder you hear a woosh! and there, standing in your lounge room, looking all-powerful, intimidating yet charismatic, is a genie with big muscly arms folded over his chest.

“Hey, thanks for the release,” he says in a friendly surfer-dude voice. “Great job with the polishing, by the way. So… you know the score: three wishes. Go for it.”

“Really? Awesome!” You are so excited you have a massive goofy grin on your face. Can this be real? There’s a genie poking out of a magic lamp in your lounge room and he’s just granted you three wishes. No one at the office will ever believe you but who cares? You got wishes!

The End

Here’s to all your well-earned wishes coming true,

Tracey

BEING AN OCTOPUS

Octopuses are outgoing, charming, fun-loving and carefree. Everyone loves an octopus and the octopus loves being loved. An octopus needs to be around people almost as much as they need air and water. It energises them. Octopuses need to share their learning and experiences for things to become real. For most octopuses, it is this need to share that drives them.

Most of the time octopuses raise the energy level around them and everyone has a good time. If you are an octopus you may find that you often rely on the reactions of those around you to support your actions. Especially when you are in ‘entertain’ mode. You may notice that your more tentacle-challenged friends wonder how on earth you maintain the appearance because it seems like such an effort. But to you and your tentacly-gifted friends you are blending in and being perfectly normal.

But sometimes octopuses don’t know when to take off their party gear and go chill out. If you are an octopus who is constantly accused of being ‘too full-on’ it’s important to form your own vision of yourself in a positive way. Embrace your charisma but be aware that there are times that you may need to tone down your energy to allow others the chance to be seen and heard. If you struggle to switch off, then you may want to investigate the benefits of yoga, tai chi or meditation.

NOTE: if you feel the pressure to change your personality on a more permanent basis, remember: someone has to be the life of the party so it might as well be you. You are who you are!

BEING A POLAR BEAR

Polar bears are calm, intuitive, highly attuned to their surroundings, emotionally sensitive (self and others), creative, intelligent and nurturing. They have an innate sensitiveness. Generally speaking polar bears are naturally shy and prefer to take on the role of observer or work behind the scenes rather than take centre stage (say ‘thanks’ octopuses).

But there’s a problem with being a polar bear. As a general rule the octopus is more accepted and well-liked in society. This means that some polar bears want to be octopuses. Just do a Google search on ‘how to become an extrovert’ and you’ll see what I mean. The question is, why would you want to become something you’re not? As a general rule, society values extroversion over introversion. Extroverts are good self-promoters and attention seekers so they are first to be chosen for jobs, teams and other competitive roles – especially those that are high profile, influential and sought after. It’s easy to see why polar bears would feel the need to change: to compete.

In certain situations we all have to compromise our behaviour so often it’s necessary for a polar bear to ‘fake it’. If you’re a polar bear considering such a compromise, simply ask yourself: how much am I prepared to compromise myself to have/do/be this?

NOTE: if you feel the pressure to change your personality on a more permanent basis, remember: you play a vital role in society – one that has been undervalued for far too long – so stand strong and proud… in your own way. You are who you are!

BEING YOU

Octopus or polar bear, we all want to feel comfortable in our own skin. None of us want to feel the pressure to become something we’re not. When you learn to accept yourself everything starts to make sense. What’s more important than being liked or disliked is being true to your uniqueness. Trying to be someone else doesn’t work. People see through it, either knowingly or subconsciously. The only way you are going to get what you want out of life is to be yourself. Then love and respect will come your way and it will be genuine.

Being yourself leads to being the best you can be. When you are yourself you think your best, feel your best, dream your best, and live your best.

Until next time, swim your own stroke, fishy-peeps!

Tracey

For years I tried be like everyone else but it was always an act. I’d spend hours before I ventured out into the real world, trying to look the part, hoping that if I looked the part, I would feel the part. Social situations were the worst, followed a close second by populated work environments. I’d do whatever it took to be ‘the same as everyone else’. It never worked. I always felt awkward and out of place.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘normal’ as ‘conforming to a standard’. I guess that means a ‘normal person’ is someone who conforms to the predominant behaviour in a society. If the opposite of ‘to conform’ is ‘to rebel’, does that mean I should buy a Harley and tattoo up? Or wear black and look miserable? Fact is I’m too gentle to be a biker and too happy to be an emo. Ah, the dilemma of knowing thy self (sigh)!

It may sound like I have self-esteem issues and, the truth is, I used to. But that was because I thought there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t conform as easily and effectively as other people. But now I know there isn’t anything wrong with me.  And if you relate to what I’m saying, there’s nothing wrong with you, either.

The fact is that some people can blend in and some people can’t. Which brings me to the octopus and the polar bear. Naturally. Bear with me (ha-ha)… In the natural world, these creatures look and behave radically differently to survive and adapt to their environments. The octopus conforms to its environment. A polar bear is always a polar bear. Both are being themselves, just in different ways.

The Octopus

In the natural world, an octopus literally shape-shifts in moments to completely alter his appearance. They blend into their surroundings in seconds, change colours and patterns and even transform the texture of their skin to match their environment. How’s that for a nifty party trick?

The octopus as a person fits into any situation. They just seem to know what to wear and how to behave. They fit into any situation. I know I already said that but it needs emphasising. The octopus loves trying out different images and they adapt easily to whatever atmosphere exists, wherever they happen to be. Generally, the octopus is the life of the party, the joker, the storyteller, the entertainer. Their greatest skill is that they can walk away from an event and transform back to themselves. They never lose sight of who they are and they never lose themselves in the roles they play.

The polar bear

The real polar bear may blend in when he’s surrounded by snow and ice but dump him in a forest, and there’s no way he’s able to turn green to blend in. He will always be big and white and furry and his behaviour will always be that of a carnivorous mammal.

In the human world, polar bears enjoy the company of others, but they are just as happy being by themselves. They prefer quieter places, soft music and gentle conversation to lively action, loud music and oodles of stimulation.  They wear clothes that suit their own tastes and style or else they settle for sensible and comfortable attire. As for behaviour, polar bears behave like polar bears. It’s as simple as that. They don’t adapt. If they had to behave like someone else, they would walk away feeling like they had dishonoured themselves and compromised their ethics. While they may not have natural chameleonic skills polar bears adapt to a social environment by being great listeners and observers. They notice things.

Next post (Part Two) I’ll talk about accepting your inner octopus or bear. Over the weekend have a think about which one you are. And let me know by leaving a comment. I could do a poll? Maybe not…

Until then, keep swimming, my luvly sea-loving creatures…

Tracey

Warning: if you’re using Internet Explorer to view this, it’s doing dodgy things. I recommend Firefox

Ok, so here’s the thing: what’s the go with the head saying one thing and the heart saying another? Decisions are hard enough to make when you have to wade through other people’s opinions and a plethora of external influences without our own bodies putting us through the ringer as well.

How are you supposed to decide whether to follow your heart or your head or even a combination of the two? When it comes down to it, making a decision is just a process. We do it every day. Some decisions are easy and don’t pose a threat to our happiness and wellbeing while other decisions have the power to change the course of our lives forever. Making a decision should be as easy as knowing the facts, choosing a course of action, and then acting on it. But it’s not. The facts are clear and obvious in your mind but your feelings and emotions make everything so much harder.

To make matters worse, every decision is different. Some decisions benefit from clear thinking. Other decisions need us to consider our core values and beliefs. Others are a combination of the two. It comes down to what feels or thinks ‘right’. Sometimes the heart needs help from the head (blind or unrequited love, stress, trauma, loss) and sometimes the head needs help from the heart (legal, political, education, community, interpersonal connections).

However when it comes to global decisions my vote goes for heart-based decisions – or less head and more heart at the very least. Sure, I’m a woman and I’m right-brain dominant so you would expect me to say that, I guess. But hear me out, all you men and left-brain dominant people. In this age of excess, speed and aggression, where getting ahead is measured in dollars and status, maybe it’s time we reacquainted ourselves with a milder and more heartfelt approach to saving the world. Maybe to reach the next level of human ‘progress’ we must embrace affection and awareness as much – if not more – than knowledge and skill. Maybe our emotionally-anaesthetised leaders who are held in such high esteem for their strength of mind and ruthless determination to keep the economy thriving at all costs need to step aside and let folks who are more connected and intuitive step up to the plate. Then we can make worldly decisions based on love, peace, nurturing and equality. It may sound like hippie garbage but it just may be the change the world needs right now.

So my vote to save the world goes to the heart [insert applause and big red heart walks on stage crying tears of joy].

Bring it on, I say. Let’s all switch off our minds, don a kaftan and get down and groovy with some luuurvin.

I’ll leave you with a song to get stuck in your head (you’re welcome):

Peace and luv, bruddas and sistas xx

Tracey

You could say it’s the benchmark of authentic living. But how can we tell if we’re happy other than comparing ourselves to others or counting how many times we smile in a day? And if we don’t know how happy we are how can we can become happier?

Let me be clear here – I’m not talking about pigging-out-on-a-colossal-chunk-of-chocolate-cake kind of happiness. I’m talking about inner happiness. Inner Happiness is when you can approach life’s challenges with a positive outlook, humbleness or even with laughter. It is about being able to put your faith in life and humanity. It doesn’t mean you won’t have problems, but the way you handle them will surpass understanding and baffle onlookers.

Finding inner happiness is the same as finding yourself. You don’t find happiness, you make it. You choose it. Discovering who you are and who you want to be paves the way to happiness. When you do what brings you the most meaning and satisfaction in your life you automatically open the door to inner happiness.

Think of it this way: if success is getting what you want, then happiness is wanting what you get even when you don’t prepare for it. Take the Happiness Test to discover how happy you really are… and you may also find out how you can live happily ever after!

Click here to take the Happiness Test.

When you’ve finished, click here to find out how you did.

Click here to get your results.

Have fun!

Tracey

P.S. Let me know how you go by leaving a comment.